6 Awkward Awards You Wouldn’t Want to Win

Sometimes trophies and Awards medals are something to cheer and commemorate. But sometimes, they’re best kept in the attic and never spoken of again. Here are 6 not-so-impressive awards you don’t want to be nominated for.

1. The Bad Sex in Literature Award

Woman typing in a room

Image: Tumblr

This venerable award is given to the writer of the most toe-curling (in the bad way) sex scene from that year’s crop of novels. Expect throbbing, moaning and unconvincing quivering a-plenty when you check out the nominations from last year’s ceremony.

2. The Darwin Awards

portrait of Darwin

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A little black in the humor stakes, but this is an award given posthumously to people who have Š—“removed themselves from the gene poolŠ— in particularly unintelligent ways. Sensitive? Not really. Alarmingly dumb Š—– oh yes. Here are the winners.

3. The Foot in Mouth Awards

Baby with foot in mouth

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Reserved for politicians and public figures who routinely drop themselves in it verbally, this award Š—“celebratesŠ— bigotry and buffoonism in all of its many forms. This year, the award could go to no one else but Godfrey Š—“Bongo Bongo LandŠ— Bloom.

4. The Stinky Shoe Award

Smelly dirty converse shoe

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And while we’re on the subject of feet, here’s another award you really wouldn’t want to publicise winning. Competitors (aged between 5-15) actually enter themselves and their noxiously-scented shoes into the running, all hoping to win the coveted Stinky Shoe award. The offensive footwear in question is judged on a complex number of factors including the condition of the toe, heel, sole, fastenings, eyelets and tongue. The most important factor, however, overall odour. Yuck.

5. The IG Nobel Awards

6. Ig Nobel

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The Nobel prize is there to award great leaps and great discoveries, the Ig Nobel prize….well, it isn’t. Instead this award celebrates the most useless scientific research conducted in any given year. In 2013 prizewinners included psychologistsξ Laurent B’ågue, Brad Bushman,ξ Oulmann Zerhouni , Baptiste Subra and Medhi Ourabah whose 2012 paper Š—“’Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beer Holder’: People Who Think They Are Drunk Also Think They Are AttractiveŠ— confirmed that, yes, people who think they are drunk also think they are attractive. Bravo.

6. The Ernie Awards

Sexist Ernies

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This beauty of an award is given to the person responsibleξ for what it judged to be the most sexist comment of the year. The winner of the Ernie award is decided by a banquet of 400 women. The prize goes to the comment which receives the loudest boos from the attendees. The Š—“winningŠ— comments are too pathetic to publish here but you can read the full (depressing ) list over on the Ernie’s Wikipedia page.

 

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